What is the Significance of “Going Home?”
I wrote previously about the phenomenon of deathbed visions, but they are not the only implication that dying persons possess during moments of strong death awareness. Another indicator is that the dying person starts to speak in metaphors and symbolic language about journeying. When a dying person begins to speak about travelling, it is a sign that they are actively dying, and the end is near. They may talk of going on a trip/vacation, needing to pack a bag, finding their passport, purchasing their tickets, waiting in line, or boarding a ship/train/plane. Other common statements are that they are getting ready to leave, going home, or being collected.
This phenomenon is so common that hospice workers know that when their patients begin to talk using journey language, they are announcing the end of their life. Individuals typically speak in these metaphors within approximately 72 hours of their death. Those in the active dying state may also begin to express deep gratitude to their family members as well as to their caregivers as part of their farewell preparations. In the book called Final Gifts, written by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley, the authors talk about this death awareness and include many lovely stories from real patients who spoke in this kind of symbolic language at the end of their lives.
How should you respond?
While these declarations might be disconcerting for family members and friends, they do not seem to upset those at the end of life. Rather, the dying person seems to be comforted by their plans. They often appear to be more preoccupied with leaving and less focused on sadness around what they might be leaving behind.
If someone you love is dying and has started to speak symbolically like this, resist your instinct to immediately contradict them and tell them that they are not going anywhere. Instead, listen for the underlying messages and feelings behind their statements. Be curious and ask open-ended questions that encourage them to give you more information. Here are a few examples:
What do they see?
Are they anxious about their trip?
Do they have all the items that they need to take with them?
Are they looking for any reassurance that you will be fine without them?
Be open minded, nonjudgmental, and listen carefully to their responses.