What is a Death Café?

Photo by Jasmine Huang on Unsplash.

The first Death Café was introduced in the United Kingdom in September 2011 by Jon Underwood and his mother, Sue Barsky Reid, a psychotherapist. The pair were inspired by the sociologist Dr. Bernard Crettaz’s Café Mortel events that had been held in Switzerland since 2004 and in France since 2010. The Café Mortels provided a safe space for people to gather in public place such as a bistro or café and talk about death, therefore breaking the “secrecy” that Crettaz felt existed around the topic. Following this model, Death Cafés are a place for strangers to gather over tea and cake (or coffee and snacks) to share their thoughts, fears, and questions regarding dying and death in a safe and respectful space.

While Death Cafés may have a series of conversation starters that the facilitator uses to help guide the discussion, Death Cafés have no set agenda and do no seek to lead participants to any specific conclusion or objective. It is simply a place for individuals interested in talking about death to explore the subject in ways they are cannot in daily life. Death Cafés are hosted free of charge by volunteer facilities who may or may not also be death and bereavement professionals. To date, there have been nearly 15,000 Death Cafés held in a variety of languages in more than 80 countries. Since the pandemic, many Death Cafés have been held online. Like other virtual events, free from geographic restrictions, many Death Cafés have benefitted from participants from different locations and cultures interacting.

The Death Café objective has always been “to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.” As a result, Death Cafés have played a significant role in reducing the stigma and taboo around talking about dying and death and often described as part of the Death Positive Movement, which I have written about previously. Ultimately, Death Café discussions end up being less about death and more about how we live and what we believe about life.

Jon Underwood died from a brain hemorrhage at the age of 44 in June 2017, but his legacy lives on, as his mother and sister have continued his work. They keep careful track of all the Death Cafés being hosted throughout the world, so you can keep up to date with what Death Cafés are being held near you by checking www.deathcafe.com.

I am facilitating several Death Cafés through Home Hospice Association in the next couple of months. The first is a general Death Café on 15 September, 2022 at 7:00 PM. You can register to attend here. The second is a Death Café intended specifically for individuals who have served in caregiving roles for friends or family members. The Caregivers Death Café is being held on 18 October, 2022 at 7:00 PM. You can register to attend here.