Myths/Misconceptions: Losses Due to Suicide, Overdose, or Homicide

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Myth 1: The grief experience by this type of loss is no different than any other.

There are a number of elements that influence one’s grief, including how their person died. The additional trauma that comes from a sudden and/or violent death can complicate the grieving process. It is common for those bereaved by suicide, overdose, and homicide to also have strong feelings of rage, guilt, shame, and helplessness. In cases of suicide in particular, there may be feelings of rejection or abandonment. More so than with other deaths, the bereaved may also wrestle deeply with their own moral and religious beliefs regarding forgiveness and accountability. Finally, the legal elements of these deaths may complicate one’s grief even further as grievers may need to engage with police upon the discovery of the body and then navigate the criminal justice system if a court case is involved. Many individuals will put their grief on hold temporarily while these elements are ongoing, and they wait until everything has been settled before truly dealing with their loss.

Myth 2: All suicide deaths are the same for the bereaved.

Many suicides take place in the home. The grieving process can be complicated for individuals who experienced the additional trauma of discovering the body and calling for help. These memories and the vision of the person at the end may stick with the bereaved and complicate their grieving process. They may need to renegotiate their relationship with the space in their own home that was violated by the violence of the death act. Not only are they grieving the death of their person and coping with the additional stigma of how they died, but now they may also be grieving the loss of their sense of safety, security, and comfort in their own home.

Myth 3: All overdoses are intentional.

Sometimes an overdose is an intentional attempt by an individual to take their own life, but in many cases the overdose was accidental. Overdoses can happen easily when drugs are incorrectly or overprescribed, when an individual takes a larger-than-recommended dosage of a prescribed medication, when a child has gotten into someone else’s medication, when an illegal substance has been cross contaminated, or when a person in recovery returns to using at their previous levels, but their body can no longer handle it. It is important to remember that overdoses are not inherently connected to a suicide attempt and that overdoses can occur from alcohol and prescription medication as well as from illegal substances.

Myth 4: Only long-term substance users can overdose.

A person can overdose the very first time they take a drug. An overdose occurs when one person takes too much of a substance, which can be illegal or prescribed. “Too much” varies from person to person and depends on a variety of factors, and the individual may simply have miscalculated one of those factors.

Myth 5: Ceremonies and rituals should be altered to hide the way the person died.

People are not defined by the way they died. They are defined by how they lived. We are all people with full lives and histories. Who we were should not be reduced to how we died. A life can still be celebrated and mourned regardless of whether they died by cancer or by their own hand. When too much effort is made to “hide” a suicide, an overdose, or another kind of death, the secrecy puts unnecessary emphasis on it. It also prevents opportunities for discussion and learning to help prevent similar deaths from occurring in the future.

Myth 6: Talking about suicide encourages suicide.

This is connected to Myth 5. The stigma associated with suicide causes people to feel continual shame, which  ultimately prevents them from talking about it. However, talking about suicide is precisely what helps to reduce the stigma. We need to talk MORE about suicide. It will not encourage those who are not suicidal to suddenly start thinking about suicide. Rather, it allows those who are struggling with suicidal thoughts to know that they are not alone. Talking about suicide enables us to connect with those who need it and encourage them to reach out for help. 

Myth 7: Those who lost someone to suicide, overdose, or homicide receive the same care and support as with any other type of loss.

As already mentioned, there is a stigma attached to suicide deaths. A similar stigma applies to overdose deaths. This stigma makes people uncomfortable—if not unkind—when these types of deaths occur and so they are often reluctant to reach out to the bereaved to talk to them about their loss. This can cause further pain to the bereaved who feel that it is not fair or just for their friends to pull away from them at their time of need for something that was not their fault. Likewise, many bereaved may be embarrassed by the way their person died and intentionally isolate themselves from others. Those bereaved by a homicide face similar isolation as others simply do not understand their loss or do not know what to say. Many of the comforts and support that are provided to individuals who lose someone to a long illness are simply not in place for those who lose their person to an act of violence. However, prayer and support are needed by everyone who is bereaved regardless of how that bereavement occurred.

Myth 8: Preventability and responsibility are the same thing.

Many suicides do not happen without warning. While some individuals act impulsively or keep their plans concealed well, others make “invitations” for help before they act. These can include both verbal and behavioural signs, either overtly or subtly, before they eventually kill themselves. However, most of us are not trained to recognize these signs beforehand. This can easily lead the bereaved to ruminate over the deceased’s final days and hours and wonder what they missed or what they could have done differently. They may blame themselves for what is ultimately not their fault. The amount of guilt and regret held by suicide loss survivors is similarly experienced by those bereaved by an overdose death, as they too question what more they could/should have done to help their person and keep them alive. Was their tough love approach too harsh? Were they too kind and supportive and ultimately an enabler? The grief that follows a death that is considered “preventable” is often quite difficult to recover from. In such situations, grievers feel excessive guilt and tend to take on more responsibility than is fair or reasonable. Even if someone’s death was somehow preventable, it does not mean that the people left behind are responsible. It’s no one’s fault for missing the warning signs. Even professionals cannot predict who will choose suicide.